I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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