i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize