i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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