One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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