I'm gonna have a badass scar
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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