Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
