I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I didn't notice because vodka
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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