Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
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