so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
