i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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