Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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