11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
actually, I'm a sock model
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize