Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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