I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
