So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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