i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
