I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
