Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
