I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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