How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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