Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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