Kareoke will never be a sober sport
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
