Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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