Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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