New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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