dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
