Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where does the pee come out of this thing
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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