I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
