Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
