just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
