it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
