Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
