Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
