I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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