Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
