Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
