You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
