these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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