4 words: hood of his car
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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