i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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