Buhtt sex?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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