Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
