I can't breathe out the right side of my face
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
