We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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