You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
