Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
