Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
