Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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