I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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