you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
