As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
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I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
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I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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