i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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