Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize