Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Someone signed my nipple.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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