The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
