Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
