Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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