feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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