is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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