absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
