I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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