I showed him my bush... on skype.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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