3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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