billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
